Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
