he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
