i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
