Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I currently don't understand fingers.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
