I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
