he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
