not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
