Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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