so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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