Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
