honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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