You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
