i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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