you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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