God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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