god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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