Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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