Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
