New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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