Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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