So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
