She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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