I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
