I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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