Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Randomize
