my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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