So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
