So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We were destined to go to rehab together
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
