need another drink. this is the easiest way
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
