I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
