all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
