her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
