I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
