Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
