yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Randomize
