I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
