Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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