Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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