you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
