look no pants
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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