Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
where am i from again
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
