I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
