mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
