Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
