After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
