the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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