How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
