i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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