The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
