No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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