I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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