I just saw a hot homeless man
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
