i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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