the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
