If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
